


Bring me back

by Stennerd



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck has a flashback, Buck will always be worried about Chris after a nightmare, Eddie is good a reaching buck, Flooding, PTSD, anxiety attack, drowning but not, flood rescue, mentions of the tsunami, tw mention of floating bodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22684972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stennerd/pseuds/Stennerd
Summary: It's been months since the tsunami and Buck had been doing just fine.All it took was walking through water to bring it all crashing back.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz
Comments: 8
Kudos: 186





	Bring me back

Buck was quieter than usual on their way back to the station from their last call. It was not the most common of jobs that they have had before, but it had become one that was a common occurrence for this particular shift.

Los Angeles had been getting an unusually long and heavy bout of rainfall in the past few days, and it had started taking its toll on the storm drain system, backing it up and having nowhere for the water to go. In some parts of LA there was flash flooding and of course, with any kind of environmental emergency, came stupid people. People who believe that they are able to drive their small cars through said flooded areas and end up waterlogging their cars and getting trapped. This was such a scenario that they had been called to.

_The rain had still been coming down heavily with water rushing along roads, searching for any kind of escape. And a car, doors deep in floodwater with a terrified woman unable to get out. They couldn’t get the rig close enough to the car without the chance of getting it trapped too, so they had to send someone in, harnessed to the winch and wading their way to the car themselves. Buck was chosen for the job, with Eddie set up as backup if Buck needed assistance._

_Buck did all of this without hesitation, confidently making his way to the car. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to get the door open with the amount of water pressing against it, he broke the window and safely pulled the woman out. It was textbook, no need for Eddie to get his legs wet, not that he wasn’t already soaked by the rain._

Eddie just chalked up the silence in the truck as a sign of exhaustion having had done back to back rescues up until this point. It was nearing midnight by the time they pulled into the station and they were only halfway through the shift. As they stripped off their turnout gear to dry off after being in the downpour, Eddie couldn’t help but notice that Buck was lagging behind, being the last to get off the rig.

As everyone else went for the showers to regain some semblance of warmth, Buck headed in the opposite direction to the stairs up to the kitchen. Eddie couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right with him but, knowing Buck, the guy would come to him if there was something going on. 

Eddie was the last in the showers and the last one out, thankful that they haven’t yet been called out on another job. As he was changing into some dry clothes, Chim swung the door open wide, speaking quickly.

“Something’s wrong with Buck.” Pulling on a shirt as he moves, Eddie is practically running out the door with Chim following closely behind, still talking.

“He’s just sitting on the sofa eyes open, completely unresponsive. Hen and I have checked everything, there’s no obvious cause for his state, the only thing of note was an accelerated heart rate. We’ve all tried talking to him, shaking his shoulder but there’s no response. It’s like the lights are on but no one’s home.” 

He was at the top of the stairs in no time, eventually catching sight of Buck. Eddie has seen him quiet but that is nothing compared to what is happening in front of him. Buck was practically a statue. There was no movement coming from him whatsoever, not even a twitch in his fingers. His eyes were unblinking, staring off past the tv, seeing something that no one else could. It was unsettling, to say the least, seeing someone who is naturally so lively to be so still.

Eddie moves to sit in front of him on the coffee table so that he is it Buck’s direct line of sight. He takes hold of one of Buck’s hands, holding it in both of his and gently starts rubbing his hands back and forth, much like one would do to warm up their hands. However, Eddie is doing it for a different reason, tactile skin to skin contact, something for Buck to ground himself with.

“Buck, I need you to hear me. Listen to the words, let them guide you back from where you are. Feel the sensation of your hand in mine, the warmth that radiates from my skin and into yours.”

Eddie feels a gentle twitch of Buck’s fingers against his palm, encouraged by the response he continues, “Whatever you are seeing right now, is a memory. You are no longer there, you are here with me at the station. You are safe. Focus on your breathing, breathe in with me and hold it, and try to breathe out slowly through your mouth.”

It takes a few repeats before Buck finally takes in a full shuddered breath. Eddie realises that he must have been breathing quite shallowly up until this point.

“That’s it. That’s good. You are doing so well. As you breathe out, allow the tension in your body to melt away. Start with your feet. With each breath out, work your way up your legs and into your stomach and back. Let the sofa catch you as you let the muscles in your back soften and relax.”

As he breathes, Eddie can see as each inhalation become less shaky and more meditative as Buck becomes aware of his body again. At some point, his eyes had fallen shut which Eddie takes as another positive step forward. The hard lines in Buck’s body smooth out and he slowly falls back into the sofa. He reflexively curls his hand around Eddie’s and Eddie keeps holding on, allowing Buck to take comfort in the contact.

Eventually, Buck blinks his eyes open, slowly focusing on him.

“Eddie?”

** ** **

Buck started feeling strange on their way back to the station. He couldn’t breathe right. It’s as if his lungs shrunk and all he could do was take in tiny breaths. He kept quiet, just doing his best to slow down his breathing and take in a proper breathe again while his hands shook in his lap.

He could feel Eddie watching him, but he ignored him, wishing that the truck would go faster so he could get out. Buck waited until everyone was out of the rig before exiting himself, knowing that everyone would take up the showers. Not bothering to strip off his gear, he heads upstairs, intending to get himself a glass of orange juice to quell the unease in his stomach.

It’s not until he takes a seat of the sofa does the unease transform into a wave of numbness that settles throughout his body as his mind travels back to the day of the tsunami. A small part of him knows that his rescue was a trigger. That him wading through murky water with stray materials floating around felt exactly like when he was he was searching for Christopher.

He had been fine for months now, barely even thought about the tsunami anymore, he no longer had nightmares so intense that he woke up gasping for air and drenched in a cold sweat. And now all he can do is relive the whole day, while his body no longer felt like his own; like it didn’t belong to him.

_He remembers when the wave hit, a hard wall of water pressing against his back and pulling Christopher from his grasp as they tumble through the water, no longer knowing which way was up. His lungs burned as he chose a direction and swam, hoping that it would take him to the surface. It felt like forever before he can see the sky again and is finally able to take in a heaving breath. Immediately his thoughts are brought back to Christopher, hoping against all hope that he wasn’t swept away, lost to him, lost to Eddie forever._

_He was beyond relieved to hear a shrill voice calling out his name. As he swims towards him, the only thing running through his head was – Keep Christopher safe, get him home to Eddie. That was it, that was the only thing that kept him going. Spotting the half-submerged rig had been a godsend. When there were other survivors to rescue, all Buck was thinking about was getting back to Chris._

_How could he have taken his eyes off of him? He should have kept him away from the edges of the truck when the wave started going back out. Held him close. As soon as he noticed he wasn’t on the rig anymore, it was as if all the life had been sucked out of him. His one job was to protect Christopher and he failed._

_Jumping back into the water, he had one task and one task only; Find Christopher. Discovering his glasses killed him, he was not leaving until he found that little boy. He ignored the throbbing in his leg as he trekked for what was probably hours, searching for the bright shirt that Chris was wearing._

_As he moves further away from the truck and in the direction of the pier, a new sensation invades his memory. His right hand was warm and tingling, which made no sense because he distinctly remembered them being freezing cold. Looking down he can’t see anything that would cause such a feeling._

“…Buck….” _It was a whisper floating on the wind._

_Buck turned in a circle looking for the person speaking but there was no one in sight. He pushes on, peering into debris surrounding him, hoping that he doesn’t come across a floating body or worse yet… no, he doesn’t even want to finish that thought._

“…words, let them guide you back from where you are.” _There it was again, that voice. It was louder this time, almost as if someone was standing a few feet away. Buck stops moving and closes his eyes, tuning his ears in to listen to the familiar voice. It was Eddie, but that didn’t make any sense. Eddie was never out in the water with him._

“Buck, whatever you are seeing right now is a memory.”

_Looking at his surroundings again, Buck realises that the buildings that had been around him a second ago had disappeared. And looking down, he was in his uniform. This didn’t make any sense. There’s a tug from his right hand, it was no longer tingling. Now it felt as if someone was holding it, pulling him somewhere._

“You are no longer there, you are here with me at the station.” _Buck lets the invisible hand guide him, taking him away from the water and onto dry land. It leads him to a firetruck. That is when he hears it, clear as a bell._

“You are safe.” _Putting his hand on the truck, Buck squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again._

He’s sitting on the sofa again in the loft, but everything feels numb, just like it felt before he was pulled into that waking nightmare. Were those his arms? Logically he knows that they are, but they don’t feel like they’re his. Only now that he sees Eddie in front of him, does he realise that it's him holding the hand that was attached to one of those arms.

Eddie is talking, telling him to breathe. Oh yeah, breathing. Breathing is good. He sucks in a breath. He can feel the oxygen swirling inside his body as each breath he takes feels deeper and stronger than the one before it. 

His body is starting to feel like his own again and he exhales a deep breath while sinking back into the sofa. Exhausted but thankful that it was over, he gives Eddie’s hand a grateful squeeze before opening the eyes he didn’t notice that he closed.

“Eddie?” The man in question leans forward.

“Yeah, bud? What do you need?”

Buck rests his head back of the sofa cushion, face turned to the ceiling as he throws his free arm over his eyes.

“Christopher, I-I need to see Chris. I need to know that he’s okay.”

“Okay, let me call Carla and get her on video chat to show you Chris.” Buck can’t see him, but he hears the quiet dial tone before Eddie is murmuring not letting go of Buck’s hand as he does so. Barely a minute later Eddie is tapping the back of his hand bringing his attention back to him while holding out the phone.

Buck takes hold of it, squinting his eyes at the screen. Chris was sound asleep. Even from the distance Carla was standing, Buck could hear the gentle snores coming from him. The tight knots in the pit of his stomach loosen in relief as he whispers a small thank you to Carla before handing the phone back to Eddie. He thanks her too, promising to talk to her later before hanging up.

Letting go of Buck’s hand Eddie changes position instead, moving to sit next to him. He pauses in the motion before asking if Buck was okay with physical contact. He nods, then sighs when Eddie shifts closer pressing his leg against Bucks. Appreciating the contact, Buck adds to it by sliding his head over and resting it on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Eddie asks quietly, knowing that if they were going to talk about it, it had to be on Buck’s terms.

Buck groans while scrubbing at his face. It takes him a while, but eventually, he starts speaking. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Eddie. I thought I had moved past this kind of stuff. It's been months since I had a nightmare. And now I’m triggered by walking through thigh-deep water? What’s up with that?” He lets out a frustrated puff of air before continuing in a small voice, “This was different though; my body didn’t feel like it was mine and I felt numb all over. I’ve never felt like that before.”

Eddie hums in response, considering his next words carefully. “I know that it has been a while since you’ve spoken to anyone after everything that happened, but perhaps it might be a good idea to have a chat with Frank, see if he can help.”

There is a long, drawn-out silence and Eddie looks down at Buck thinking maybe he’d fallen asleep on his shoulder. He almost jolts when Buck breaks the silence with a quiet “okay.”

Patting Bucks's knee, Eddie turns his body towards Buck, causing his best friend to pull his head back up off his shoulder before it slipped off. Eddie grins, knowing that what comes out of his mouth next will both cheer Buck up and soothe his anxiety, “In the meantime, you should come back to my place when we finish our shift and help me get Christopher ready for school. I’m sure he’d love to spend a little time with his Buck.”

There is an almost immediate change in Buck’s mood at the offer. He was smiling for the first time since they had gotten back to the firehouse. 

“Yeah? I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this one kind of ran away from me a bit. I came across something on tumblr that some people experience an out of body / numb feeling when they have anxiety attacks and kind of shut down. Also that it's possible to have a delayed response to the trigger and I kind of thought that would work with Buck with the tsunami and then it kind of became a ptsd flashback/anxiety attack hybrid. No clue if that can actually be a thing or not. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading xx


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